Should Wives Be Madonna-Whores?

I never thought my wholesome blog will ever contain the word “whore“. I cringe when I hear that term refer to women. To me, this word is a demeaning reference to our gender.

But on one visit to the salon, I picked up a Marie Claire magazine with Lea Salonga on the cover. She was gorgeous, sexy, slim, toned — in other words, she just looked AWESOME!!! One heck of a makeover, if I may say so!

“Lea the goddess” is far from the little Annie I watched at the CCP belting out “Tomorrow” or the young Eponine in Les Miserables, or even Miss Saigon. Becoming a wife and mother has made Lea bloom like never before!

And guess what! Lea actually called herself a madonna-whore! Seriously!

I read the entire article and began to understand what she meant. Lea says in that interview:

Ideally, a man should find both in one woman. Reality, however, doesn’t follow. Which is why you have men who go to girlie bars; because they cannot see their wives in the role that the other woman will play. In their own minds, they will turn their wives or girlfriends into these saintly creatures. But there are men who have the other woman who fulfills that other side; who will be the one in bed; the one they will have phone sex with. Two separate women. But it is possible for one woman to be both, if only men would accept that.

WHOA, what a loaded interview this was!!!! And it got me thinking…

When I was a younger wife, my prayer group leader’s wife gave me her bit of advice. She told me never to let go of taking care of myself and my body. She said that even an ordinary housewife had to make sure that even if she spent the whole day cleaning and taking care of the kids, she had to look presentable when her husband came home.

The seriousness of this statement never really struck me until much later. Maybe because I am blessed that I am born with the right genes. My body shape hardly strayed from my school days (except for wider hips now and some more…). I also do not bear any stretchmarks despite having 4 children by normal delivery.

But what about wives whose shapes have drastically changed? What if they have stretchmarks?

I think these do not matter so much as our general outlook and well-being. The point Lea is making, I think, is this — just because one is already married or in a relationship, one should not let go of the creativity, imagination, and sensuality that make up a large part of a budding relationship between two people. She and husband Robert have massage oils and candles. Why not?

Thanks to Lea, many women who come across her article will rethink their roles in their marriages and hopefully take the next steps to make it as exciting and fun as it first was. For myself, I think I can not muster enough guts to refer to myself as a Madonna-whore but I totally agree that a wife should continue to be both a friend and lover.

Here are a few ideas I am writing down:

* Feel happy, look happy. Feel young, look young. Feel sexy, look sexy. Believe me, it will show! One’s disposition inside has a very strong bearing on how one looks on the outside. Doing yoga has made me more aware of this; your aura (if one can call it that) has A LOT to do with how you feel on the inside. Acceptance of one’s body shape and loving one’s self despite the rough edges and deep hurts = a woman whose beauty is like the phoenix that rises out of the ashes, like a diamond polished to brilliance by rough cuttings, like gold that passes the test of fire.

* Do not be too predictable. If you are a housewife, surprise him one day by greeting him all dressed up, fresh out of a bath. If you work and your wardrobe is mostly office fare, let him see you every so often in something catchy and fashionable (and maybe be a bit more daring if you can). Do silly things like texting in the middle of the day just to say hi. Leave post-it notes where he can see it and write something from the heart. Pick a flower from the garden and put it on his dinner plate.

* Touch, hug when he least expects, give him a smack, sit on his lap, be playful. Never mind if you do it in front of the children. They become more secure when they see how much their parents love each other. At his birthday last week, hubby’s relatives asked us to pose together for a pic. Instead of the usual side-by-side pose, I came up from behind and wrapped both arms around the neck of seated hubby. It totally surprised him and this was caught on camera with both of us grinning from ear to ear. It elicited a good laugh from everyone and before I knew it, C2 posted the picture on her blog that very night!

* Continue to go out on dates (WITHOUT the kids!). This is time to yourselves. It need not be expensive. A walk around the neighborhood will do, capped with coffee at the nearest place.

* Learn how to use aromatherapy and other effects. The nose is sensitive and sends signals to the brain depending on what it smells. There are scents that are calming (like lavender which I love to spray on my pillows and sheets at bedtime). There are scents for other moods as well. Check them out! Unless your floors are wooden you can think of candles in dim light. And don’t forget — soft music too!

* Help each other unwind. I have had foot and back massages when I get extremely tired and have given them back too when needed. Your spouse will naturally unwind and might even engage you in small talk about his day. A relaxing way to catch up on the day’s happenings.

Can you think of anything more?

I am sure we can think up ways to be both nice and sensual. It is definitely NOT one or the other. Will it take effort? Yes definitely. In our busy lives, it will take a lot of conscious effort. But over time, once the habit sets in, I believe it will come naturally. And the great thing about this is actually experiencing the response from the other end. Before you know it, it will be your man who will be thinking up creative things for the both of you. What a great win-win situation!