Our daughter C1 came up to me last night and asked, “Mom, what is WRONG with our batch?”
Last night, they got the news that a boy, just in Manila for a short vacation from studies in the USA (and her date/good friend at Sophomore Night some years back) passed away. They had just met up 2 weeks ago upon his return; they YM each other across the miles. It is not just that he died so young, or that his death was unexpected. But since the start of this school year, this was already the 4th death — SAME BATCH, SAME SCHOOL!
At the start of school, a tragic fire ended the life of a boy from batch 2006 which included his mother and younger brother. Another boy died when robbers entered their home and shot him. The last death was that of another of their batch who was coming home with friends from Libis. A taxi came out from nowhere, causing their vehicle to turn turtle and he was the only one who perished. Now this.
At this age, my daughter has been exposed to death with her grandfather’s (my Dad) passing away. But to have to deal with the deaths of young people she knew is something else and I personally do not know what kind of coping is necessary when this happens. On top of that are the statistical odds of these deaths happening to just one batch of boys from the same school. C1 was beginning to think it had something to do with their batch being born in the year of the dragon (that is her Chinese mind working….).
I am open to suggestions. If you were in my shoes, how would you support your daughter who grieves for a young friend and whose only outlet for it so far is pouring her heart out in her writings?
oh my jane. that is so so sad. i would encourage her to pray for all her classmates and friends. after all, God alone has the answers to everything.
Jane: Thanks, Cess. It also saddens me every time I hear of another death. Sana last na ito.
just listen to her. The few times we’ve talked, you seem to be a a great listener. Kids are more resilient than adults and once they unburden their pain, it’s much easier to grieve well. Writing is one of the many outlets . Art is also another.
Jane: Thanks, Noemi. Yes, good thing she has a blog. It has become her outlet.
I agree wth Lady Cess and Noemi. Perhaps your parents-teachers association can get together and discuss this as this is surely a shared concern.
Jane: Hi, Janette! The boys came from Batch 2006. My daughter was same batch but was in the all girls’ school across the street. But of course, she knew many of them and their friendship continues now into college. The high school where the boys graduated from has been very supportive to the families of those who passed away. It is just hard on them to lose friends in these ways.
Hi Jane, so sad to read about this. The son of a good friend is also from this batch and they are devastated. Writing is an excellent outlet whether you are young or old. Would like to invite your daughter to join us at our Griefshare sessions. We have a new module that starts on September 1. Maybe she and her friends would like to join us. If you know the parents of this boy, please extend the invitation to the, as well. Above all, prayer helps a lot too.
Jane: How wonderful to hear from you, Cathy, knowing how loaded this weekend is for you. I was hoping you’d at least get to read this once your MAJORS were over. As soon as I read your comment, I told C1 to visit this blog and read the comments. Am so blessed to have you and Noemi to ask advice from. God bless and hope you still manage to have a restful weekend!
A shoulder to cry on and an attentive ear. God has plans for all of us. Life is full of uncertainties, the best is to live one’s life to the fullest and in the Lord’s grace. Feng Shui has nothing to do with it.
Jane: You’re right about the superstition stuff, bro. And I will let her read your comment as well. Life comes with all its joys and sorrows and only trusting that the Lord is NEVER out of control can keep us trusting and hopeful.
maybe, not necessarily being born in the year of the dragon (my BA was also born in the same year, but there has no sad story that i have heard of).
aside from family support, which you are doing right now, i guess the school has to contribute its own support to the kids their batch.
and i am sure your family is not lacking in prayers.
Jane: Thank you, thank you, Dine! 🙂
I’m very sorry to hear that. Just being there to listen to her pain, worries and fear is a good way to reassure her that she can find comfort in the presence of her family.
Jane: Rach, all we could really do was listen to her and I think to date, it has helped because most of all, she needed an outlet for her feelings. Thanks!
Jane,that is so sad, even I reading your post can feel the sadness and the worries and fears. (Last week I was just re-reading about a story where girls from a certain group/batch died and how only two of them are left.) We may never find the reasons for these events and we can probably never find answers to questions about these “unfortunate” events. But then, we can be stronger and learn to appreciate life more. I hope and pray that your daughter and her batch mates would be able to go through this.
Jane: Hi Julie. I think young people can be resilient, with the proper family support. We try to provide this support to C1 and our other children since we can never prevent hurtful things from happening to them. I think she will be OK. 🙂
Very sorry to hear that. Death is difficult to explain to anyone more so to a child. I guess allow her to grieve and if writing is her outlet then let her write all she wants.
Jane: Death of someone young is always difficult to comprehend from an adult’s or child’s point of view. She has been doing a lot of writing lately, Mayi. Thanks for your thoughts and for visiting. I love your site. Thanks for linking me up (as well as me and my partners’ PinoYoga site). 🙂
You know the saying that death comes in 3’s? Well it happened to us last year (father-in-law, father, and grandmother). My little girl was not exactly devastated but was confused. She misses them all and as a consolation we tell her that her lolo’s and lola are with the angels. But my kid was only 3 years old so the impact is different.
I guess you can just let your daughter talk it out. Allow her to express her grief. And just listen and comfort if she needs it.
Jane: Wow, last year was a difficult one for your family! I think we mommies are really good at listening and comforting in times such as these. Thanks! 🙂
Hi Jane,
I am just cathing up on your blogs (which I really enjoy reading immensely) and I feel I need to reply to this one.
Just this week when you texted about the passing of the mother of our yoga teacher, I have just gone to a wake of a very good friend in high school the night before. who also just came back from the US also to pursue his medical studies after a long stay in the US and decided to have a career change. His death was really a shock to all of us his friends because not only was he died young but also a tragic one. He was murdered.
Just a week before this shocking news, I was not over grieving of the death of another young girl in my daughter’s school who died so young from an accident during their retreat and it really made me depressed for a couple of days.
I was told, in span of 2 weeks there have already been 3 deaths in their school…
One mommy from that school came up with a theory, that it all happened during the Chinese death/sprit month (for the Chinese, thats the month you see most Chinese making offerings) which runs from mid August to September….scary as it can be as I never believed in those things before…
and another mommy came up with the theory…yes we heard this before…it comes it 3…..
Jane: Hi there Lyn!
Wow, how terrible to hear from you of all these young deaths! We really cannot understand why….Now as to all these superstitious beliefs well, the Chinese in me thought of the ghost month thing but the Christian in me says that it has no connection and we just need to trust in the Lord’s Wisdom in all these. I hope we do not have any more of these kinds of tragedies.