Tito Benny, a Filipino Morrie

Last night, I was at an honoring at the wake of Dr. Benigno M. Sulit, Jr. (Tito Benny to me) — dad of one of my good friends, Aly.

(Tito Benny in his trademark suspenders)

Tito Benny is a doctor (specifically, he is an anesthesiologisit). But more than being a doctor, he loved to teach. He was an academician at heart. He had a great future in the U.S. but chose to return to the Philippines to share his passion with his students who are now doctors in their own right.

I remember many times when Tito Benny and Tita Perla opened up their homes to us and many others. Many prayer meetings were done at their beautiful home which I always loved so much because in the center of it was a Japanese-inspired garden with a koi pond and bamboo trees. We used to love to feed the fish bits of bread. Their home was filled with beautiful paintings by Filipino artists (including a humongous Manuel Baldemor). Bedrooms were named after provinces and aptly decorated as such. Wooden furniture and images of the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Last Supper, etc. all done in Paete, Laguna (their hometown), filled their home.

In one area of the house, just beside the living room, was a very long wooden table that was the gathering place for many family moments. We ourselves gathered often there with Tito Benny at the kabisera (head of the table), regaling us with his stories. He always had a LOT of stories and was widely read. He loved National Geographic and Discovery Channel and as Mara, his apo (grandchild) and our inaanak (godchild), related last night, their Sundays with him were never wasted. He always asked them what their “word of the day” was and if they did not know its etymology, their assignment was to look it up when they got home. So typically Tito Benny!

When my Dad was struggling for life at the ICU of Cardinal Santos hospital many years ago, Tito Benny was there during Dad’s last moments. He was a pillar of strength for our family. When one of our yayas had to undergo emergency surgery, her anesthesiologist was Tito Benny who insisted that he be there throughout the operation instead of relegating this task to a more junior doctor. Such was his dedication to his patients who came from all walks of life.

As we listened to so many doctors (colleagues and former students) speak of their moments with him last night, I was amazed at the life of this wonderful man. Everyone spoke of him with humor, with tenderness, and with so much respect.

But what struck me most was when Mara showed us a book she had picked up from her lolo’s library. It must have held a lot of meaning for Tito Benny because he lived his life according to that book. Mara had brought with her the book Tuesdays with Morrie which happens to be one of my favorite LIFE books.

Tuesdays with Morrie, a true-to-life story by Mitch Albom, tells of Mitch and his last days with his former college teacher, Morrie Schwartz, who was dying of Lou Gehrig’s Disease. During the Tuesday visits of Mitch, Morrie managed to share his views about life and how to live it to the fullest so that Mitch, who was all wrapped up in work and who sort of neglected his girl friend, would come to realize what was truly important in life. Tuesdays is a special book for me because I came across it at a time when I was wondering how I could live my life better. Between its pages, filled with nuggets of wisdom, Morrie himself became my mentor on life.

Mara had chosen a verse from the book — one of my favorite phrases from Morrie:

So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

Tito Benny led the meaningful life Morrie was talking about. Despite being a busy doctor who spent late hours of the night discussing medical issues with students and colleagues, Tito Benny never failed his responsibilities to his family. He was a “hugger”, insisted on being kissed on both cheeks, ever present to Tita Perla and their 2 kids (Aly & Beau) and was a lolo clearly adored by his grandchildren.

His family and friends all wished he had written his life story. Tito Benny never got around to it but he lives on in everyone he has touched by his generosity, love and nurturing spirit.

We are blessed to have been touched by his presence (even just a tiny bit). I wish you Godspeed, Tito Benny. May you be carried up on angels’ wings to your true place in Heaven. Do not worry about Tita Perla. So many of us will take care of her. See you again someday!