It has began. The results of college entrance tests for schoolyear 2010-11 are being published beginning this month. De La Salle University’s (DLSU) college entrance test results started everything off by being the first to release their results last January 2. Over the next few months, high school seniors in different schools around the country will experience extreme highs and/or lows as each university publishes its admission results.
As a parent of two older children (in college now), I have rejoiced and likewise, been saddened as well as they got their exam results. I am just grateful that in the end, they did get into the school of their choice. Now, it’s the turn of our third child to go through the stress of waiting it out. Again, I sit it out with him, knowing he is sometimes stressed at the thought of whether he will make it or not. Once again, I ask myself: How can I support my child if the results do not turn out favorable for him?
I’m sure this thought has also crossed your mind if you are in the same situation I am in.
There is a philosophy that I have always tried to remember and adopt in disappointing situations:
When things do not go the way we want it to, it is not a sign of failure.
It is just God’s way of closing the door so that our eyes, which had been focused solely on that door, will veer away and see that He has opened a window.
We cannot shield our children from everything bad. We can’t stop them from bruising themselves. We can’t prevent mishaps. We cannot prevent their hearts from breaking due to rejection from friends or from a broken heart. And we surely cannot prevent them from a possible rejection by the school they most wished to go to.
So what can we do if our kids are not accepted by the school of their choice? Here are some things we can do:
* Stay positive and reassure him/her right away that one or several rejections does not doom him/her for life – Our children are very sensitive and at their age when peer pressure reigns supreme, failure such as not passing their choice school can often be devastating if their peers were accepted. We must help them cope with this reality with positivity and hope. Boys are prone to “suffer in silence” unlike girls who are wired to openly express how they feel and get some amount of support from peers and family. So if your child is a boy, know him well enough to be sensitive to his need for reassurance from you. At their age, they could feel like this disappointment marks them as failures for life. It is then up to us, who have the counsel of the years, to help them hurdle these feelings and assure them that this is not a doomsday event but rather a chance to discern exactly what path the Lord is leading them to. Telling them stories of other people’s failures-turned-successes, even your own stumbles and blunders through life, can be reassuring.
* Immediately file for reconsideration – Sometimes, our kids just may not have made the cut-off. Schools can only accept a certain number of students. But when a letter for reconsideration is received by the school, it sends a signal to the school that the applicant is very interested in studying there and when slots open up (such as when accepted students opt to study elsewhere or additional slots become available), or even when the admissions committee deem it okay to accept your child after a reevaluation process, then you’re in. To help your cause, you can consider the following:
– If you know someone respected in that school, ask if he could issue a recommendation letter on behalf of your child (this could be a good friend who happens to be a faculty member or someone from the parents’ council). The admissions people do not know your child so a good word put in by someone they know could help.
– If your child’s grades in secondary school are above average, you may consider submitting his cards from first year onwards. This is specially helpful if your child had not been 100% ready at the time of the test (e.g., he was sick and unable to concentrate). So for the admissions committee to see a historical trend of grades will support the fact that he can be a performing student.
– In the letter, cite why your child would be an asset to the school. Personally, I feel that there is more weight if the child himself/herself also writes to the school with a plea for reconsideration. They are old enough to make appeals on their own behalf and it shows the school the child’s level of maturity.
* Scout for alternative schools that are still open to applications for admission – Yes, this is not a very ideal situation but to be practical, you will want to line up schools that are still accepting applicants and whose curriculum is still in accordance with your child’s career choice. If you have family in the provinces where there are good schools, you can also consider having your child spend his first year schooling there and try the following year to be accepted as a transfer student in the school of his choice.
* Pray for them always – I believe that when we pray FOR our children, our prayers are always answered. So even when they may not be accepted by the school they wanted, it could actually be an answered prayer. They (and we, for that matter) don’t know it yet.
It’s one down for us. Our son made it to DLSU. But we wait for the rest.
As you wait it out with your child in the coming months, know that I wait with you as well and join hands with you in wishing the best for all our children who are stepping out of a more sheltered environment and into college.
What experiences with your older kids helped them cope as they were applying for college? If you are waiting just like us now, do you have any other tips you can share?