Category: Parenting

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Will You Help Tara Santelices?

I saw this email first on my niece’s Multiply. Then Cathy blogged about it. On both those times, I sort of glossed over the email thinking it was one of those “help someone” calls that I can read some other time. The third time, however, it showed up at a forum I was enrolled in. So curious me read the entire email (when you see something over and over again, there must be a message there somewhere for me!). The story of Tara Santelices hit me so hard that without knowing her, I promised to blog about what happened. All this happened, I hear, because she resisted the holdupper who was trying to take her laptop.

But things do happen for a purpose. There was a connection to her even stronger than just receiving 3 notices. Last night, I learned that her sister Lila is the English blockmate in school of our eldest girl, C1.

Wow! Now I really need to post this.

After you read this and you feel compelled to help in whatever way, act on your feelings. You can forward this story to your email contacts, pass on my URL post to others, or even help the family in any way as described below. Or you could pause from whatever you are doing and say a fervent prayer for Tara. Whatever it is, JUST DO IT!

As a parent myself, I pray that all parents be spared having to undergo this kind of horrible nightmare and that all our kids who travel to and from school and work be given divine protection always. God bless us all.

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Word spreads around fast and almost everyone has already heard about what happened to our dear friend, Tara Santelices (Assumption Antipolo’s Batch 2003 and Ateneo de Manila University’s Class of 2007, AB Political Science).

On the eve of her 23rd birthday, Tara was shot in the head during a hold-up while riding a jeepney along Imelda Avenue, Cainta, Rizal. Joee Mejias, who was with her at that time, rushed her to Amang Rodriguez Memorial Hospital in Marikina City. The parents of Tara and Joee arrived at the hospital shortly thereafter. When morning came, Tara’s parents finally decided to transfer her to the Medical City, Ortigas Avenue, Pasig City. Since 8:00am of August 6, Tara has been in the ICU fighting for her dear life. Her parents have decided not to push through with the operation.

Although it might seem that there is nothing else that we can do but wait for Tara to wake up from this horrific nightmare, we, the friends of Tara, have decided to raise funds for Tara’s hospital bills. This is the least we can do to ease the unbearable pain her family is going through. We have been given the go-signal from Tara’s dad, Tito Larry, and here are the details:

The temporary bank account is under Anne Marie F. Santelices, Banco de Oro, SA 2140-062201. For direct cash donations, please proceed to the ICU Waiting Room of the Medical City (Ortigas Avenue, Pasig City). Please look for Joee Mejias or Lila Santelices.

Any amount will be gratefully accepted. Anonymous donations are also welcome. Please spread the word. Forward this to your family, friends and even to everyone else you know. Please post this on Friendster, Multiply, Facebook and wherever else you can think of. Please send group messages on Yahoo Messenger. This will mean so much to us, her friends.

Please continue praying for Tara, for Joee and for both of their families. If you want to come see Tara, visiting hours at the ICU are at 9:00 am to 11:00 am and 5:00 pm to 7:00 pm.

Thank you so much for your time and kind consideration.

For inquiries, please contact Joee Mejias (09228154987) for calls and Jac Ledonio (09167243071) or Myka Francisco (09163695148) for text messages

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Key to Better Relationships: Know Your Loved Ones’ Primary Love Languages

 

A few years back, I bought the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This came on the heels of a workshop that we attended on this topic where we learned that all of us have one primary love language which is not always the same as that of our loved ones and could be a major cause of conflict or resentment.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don’t understand our partner’s requirements, or even our own. We all have a “love tank” that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others. Dr. Chapman’s book divides love languages into five categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

This got me thinking of my 4 kids and found that they had different love languages.

C1’s is Quality Time. She loves time for us to talk (about anything that concerns her). Sometimes she wants to talk at the wrong time (like midnight sometimes???). Other times, I may not be ready to listen or have something to work on. But knowing this is her love language, I try to spend time talking or our next favorite bonding activity — shopping.

C2’s love language is also Quality Time though to a lesser degree than C1’s. She complains at times that I do not have time to go shopping with her (I work, you see) so I hope to be able to make up for it on some weekends. We have watched movies together already so that’s a good start. She also loves talking with me about things important to her and like C1, I try to relate to what she says.

M1’s is Receiving Gifts. For some reason, he relishes it when we come home from somewhere with something for him. When he was younger, he would always ask when I come home, “What did you get for me?” Now that he is older, his tastes get more expensive (read my lips: gadgets & tech stuff). So it gets challenging to fill this need without me emptying my pockets completely.

M2’s is Physical Touch. This is the kid I can hug and hug and who won’t squirm away from me. And he is the only one who asks (no, demands) that I give him a foot massage to get him to sleep. One day, I think I will bring him along when I have a massage and treat him to a really professional one.

I found this site on the blog of C1’s friend and was curious to find out which was my primary love language. GUESS!

Continue reading “Key to Better Relationships: Know Your Loved Ones’ Primary Love Languages”

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PAMPER-ed for a Morning

My kids grew up on Pampers — mostly. For many, many years, I had held on to this pink, carton Pampers box, which if I remember right, could hold 96 Pampers diapers. Too bad I disposed of the box some time ago in a frenzy of spring cleaning. Maybe it was an inner desire to hang on to their baby years that kept me from throwing away that box but when I did, it must have been my “letting go” and moving on to dealing with them as teens.

I have never forgotten my parenting days with Pampers so it was providential that I was invited to the launch in Glorietta of Pampers Stages and a chance to explore Pampers World (how the world looks from a baby’s eyes).

Jamie Endaya, Country PR Manager of P&G, explained the different features of the diapers. For the New Baby diapers, there is a cottony cover with hypoallergenic lotion and aloe vera extract. For the Active Baby diapers, they use Velcro straps around the waist. And for Easy-Ups diapers, it is made to be put on and off like undies. How different it is now from my time when the only difference in diapers was the size and weight of your kid.

Several doctors from the Pampers Parenting Institute, an international network of experts on babies, their development and health, were around to answer questions and guide us on a tour. We were taken to several “rooms” made for us to experience what it was like to be a baby again.

The first 2 rooms were for newborns. Newborns could only see a few inches from their faces and images are blurry. In one room, they had cubbyholes to allow us to put our hands in and feel different items (spongy, squeaky, soft, rough, etc) that a baby experiences as it touches things.

 

In the second room they took us to, there were 2 giant cribs complete with oversized pillows and mobiles. I lay down in one of them and overhead there was a mirror that distorted images reflecting from the crib to show what a baby actually sees at 3 weeks. It looks like this:

how the crib actually looks
how the baby sees the crib

The rooms for an Active Baby were made to look like you were in giantland. Oversized dining and living rooms! It is important then for parents to be able to imagine what the world looks like from this tiny tot’s perspective so that the home can be made accident-proof. For me, that was a fun place to take pics!

This is how the world looks to a baby
In the oversized dining room
...and in the giant living room

And the last 2 rooms were for the toddlers (Easy-Ups). At this stage, toddlers like to try grown-up stuff: shoes, clothes. And they explore as they realize they can walk.

A baby would look like this in adult shoes while writing with a pencil
That pencil actually has lead!

The whole tour was interesting, to say the least. They have really come far in terms of developing baby diapers.

Buffet lunch was hosted by P&G for the press at Heaven ‘n Eggs nearby. Here we had a chance to meet up with more press people, including Paula of Good Housekeeping magazine, and other P&G people who I enjoyed talking with about the world of blogging. Thanks for the yummy, gastronomic lunch guys!!!

More pics from the event below.

 

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It’s Never Too Early to Be a Gentleman

First off, let me tell any readers with ultra feminist views that this post is NOT for you!

I may be of the old school but I love chivalry and the idea of white knights in shining armor coming to the rescue of their maidens. The few times I have ridden the MRT is an observation exercise in male social behavior and test of the almost extinct virtue of chivalry.

There will be guys who will sleep through the ride (or totally ignore you) while seated, oblivious of you standing in front of them. Or spring a delightful surprise on you as someone did last week at the train when he stood up and gave up his seat for me. Awwwww!

Boys will be boys they say and my boys were no different. If they were hungry, they would race to get the food on the table — never mind if their sisters were there. They would also race to get inside the car first as the passenger seat beside the driver was the seat of choice. We girls were often left opening doors ourselves. As for shopping bags? They were the first to complain of being tired and would pass their bags to me or hubby to carry.

So when M1 entered Grade 7, I felt it was time to teach him the finer points of being a gentleman, seeing that in high school, he would begin socializing with those of the opposite gender.

I would take a few occasions to teach him. For example, when we would ride the car, I would tell him that the gentleman opens the door for a lady and closes it once she is in. At the doors of malls or any place we would go to, I would remind him that the gentleman opens the door to let the ladies through. Ladies always had first pick of food (no matter how famished you were!).

I was not particularly successful in the 7th grade. Come to think of it, I also struggled through his first year in high school. Many, many times, I found myself repeating over and over the gentleman’s etiquette rules. Once I had to ask myself if my sons would ever learn to be gentlemen.

Now that M1 is in his junior year in high school, I see a wonderful transformation. Once at a mall, after seeing my hands full of shopping bags, he actually came up to me and took them. Every time we ride in the car nowadays, I delight in him opening the door for his Mama and closing it after me. Even when crossing the street, I realize that he moves always in the direction of the dangerous side of oncoming cars as he accompanies me across. WOW!

There are still things we have not practised together, such as pulling out a chair for a lady to seat her. But we will eventually get there. One lesson at a time. For now, I see my M1 growing into (hopefully) a gentleman with genteel manners. After all, if I enjoy being at the receiving end of chivalry, I want my sons to likewise make their female friends feel the same way.

My next target: M2 (who is now in first year high school).

Wish me luck! 🙂

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Raising a New Breed of Leaders

It was a stark contrast.

At almost the exact time that thousands rallied in Makati yesterday against our present leaders in government, I found myself attending my daughter C1’s LEAd graduation. She was 1 of 32 new graduates of a 2-year leadership program formed 6 years ago by her school’s Office of Student Affairs to raise potential leaders.

Many of the graduates had to apply, and undergo screening, for LEad, which aptly stands for Leadership, Empowerment and Development. Surprisingly, C1 was only a newbie, a freshman, when her club nominated her for the program. At home, we had to discern whether to allow her to go through it. After all, she was just beginning college life, still unsure of what academic demands would be placed on her, and this program required a solid commitment from her to attend its activities on weekends. But C1 was determined to make it. We eventually had to trust that somehow, in spite of all the adjustments she needed to make in her new school, she would come through.

And what a program it was! I remember many weekends when we hardly saw her. It seemed like she “lived” in school already.

In her first year, they were groomed for leadership. Seminars and workshops were offered to hone their skills. The second year was even tougher. On weekends they went to different places around the metro. I had to steel myself once against turning paranoid when she said they were visiting the Bilibid prisoners. There were other immersion programs as well such as Gawad Kalinga, trips to Nueva Ecija and other exposure trips which opened my once-sheltered daughter to the realities of how people lived around her.

As I sat at the back yesterday, listened to some come up to the podium and relate their experiences, and viewed their powerpoint presentation of programs achieved, I felt a mommy’s pride in C1 welling up. So this was what she had been up to all these weekends.

As one of their school officials told me during dinner, while the program aims to form potential leaders of university organizations and projects, what she hoped to see in them was leadership in terms of social action, character and values as well. We both agreed that our wish was for these 32 new leaders to keep their idealism and values intact even as they leave school and go into the workplace.

I could only wish that if our own national leaders — graduates of prestigious schools including C1’s school — had likewise kept their idealism, nationalism and values intact after they got their degrees, we would not be in this mess we are in today which precipitated the rally in Makati.

To all Batch 6 graduates of LEaD, I reiterate my conviction that young people like YOU are the hope of our land. And to our daughter C1 goes a mommy’s (and daddy’s) prayer that the wisdom and idealism you have now may always stay in your heart. With God’s grace, you will become a leader in your own right and make a difference in our country.

Here is a video I took of LEaD’s activities:

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Season of Hope and a Family Tradition

Every home is likely to have a Christmas tree. Almost every home would have a ‘belen’ or Nativity set. I wonder — how many homes have an Advent wreath with candles similar to what you see lit in churches during the Sundays of Advent?

Ours does!

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And mind you, this is not just for display!

From the 1st Sunday of Advent till Christmas Day — EVERY NIGHT to the extent possible — our family gathers around this table, lights the candles (purple, purple, pink, purple — in that order — from the 1st to the 4th weeks), join in the Advent prayers for the day from a prayer book, and sing the Advent songs.

C1 was still a toddler when we began this family tradition and it worked its way down the line to our youngest, M2. Each year as the kids grew older, we continued this Christmastime custom and witnessed how they grew with it. When they were toddlers, we lit the candles for them and they would argue over who got to blow out the candle/s that night.

When they learned to read, we assigned portions of prayers to them until they were old enough to read (and lead!) the prayers in its entirety. In fact, C1 insists that M1’s reading abilities improved a lot during the time he was made to read from the prayer book (can you imagine some of the Bible words and names he had to learn to read as an early grader?).

One by one, they learned to light the candles (M1 recalls his first time after he completed a scouting camp). And all of them can sing the 2 songs from memory. In their earlier school years, when ‘O Come, O Come Emmanuel’ was first taught either in Music or CLE classes, it would surprise their teachers that they knew the lyrics and tune right off. More so would be the surprise of friends upon learning that we all could sing the lesser known song ‘O Come Divine Messiah’.

A personal part of the rite was the intercessory portion. To the chorus of “Lord, hear our prayer”, we made the rounds of everyone. Each kid was given time to offer up his/her intentions for the day. When they were younger, we would get prayer intentions like: “I hope I get a ________ for Christmas” (hint! hint!). Eventually we got more serious intentions: “I wish I could pass my test tomorrow…” and lately, some of the intentions have gone outward: “I want to lift up my classmate who is sick of ______.”

The climax, of course, is something we do as an extra. On Christmas Day, we light a WHITE candle which stands in the center of the other 4 candles, waiting just for this one day to be lit. The 2 songs are no longer needed as the Christ Child is already with us. So instead, we sing a Christmas song.

It warms my heart that despite their being in this so-called “rebellious, defiant” teen years, we could not go through a Christmas without setting up these candles on our table. They themselves look for it, as though our Christmas cannot be complete without it.

Years from now, when they begin to have their own families, I hope and pray that they carry on this timeless tradition — another family memory and treasure for their own children to have.

And I believe that for as long as these candles of hope continue to be lit, our problems and that of our country and the world will not seem too hopeless. There is a God who continues to come to us, to our country, and to our homes under all situations, good or bad.