With Forgiveness Comes Healing

I was glued to the TV set when BBC featured the rescue of Ingrid Betancourt, Colombian Presidential aspirant, kidnapped by the FARC rebels while campaigning in hostile Colombian territory in 2002. The rescue itself was straight out of a movie plot. Reality is sometimes more amazing than fantasy! See this footage taken from susjed.com.

But even more amazing to me was an interview of Ingrid done afterwards that showed the inner faith and strength of this mother of 2. As I watched her interview I saw how cool and calm she was as she related a little bit of her 6-year captivity. Of course she did not expound on the horrors she underwent but I can just imagine the various torture methods applied on her. They were probably a combination of physical, emotional and psychological torture. How amazing that she managed to hang on to her sanity and spiritual fervor all throughout her horrendous nightmare.

I had some time after viewing this video to reflect on Ingrid Betancourt’s disposition. Here was someone who was aiming for the Presidency of Colombia. No mere thing! But her 6-year captivity became her LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE. She has come out of this miraculously alive. In some sense she is stronger, because now she knows that her spirit had never been broken throughout those years. She has become more generous with her thanks and appreciation – first to the Almighty for sustaining her, then to everyone who kept her connected to the outside world in various ways.

The interviewer asked her at one point if she felt anger or hatred towards her captors (some of them accompanied her on the helicopter that turned out to be a rescue mission). I was initially shocked at Ingrid’s response as I expected her to respond with a desire for vengeance. “Vengeance is a chain. I don’t want to be chained to that jungle. I am not going to take any of this to my future life. It’s down there; it stays there”, she said. I immediately understood where she was coming from. She said that she asked the commander of the rescue mission not to maltreat her captors. What grace in the face of victory. What forgiveness and kindness she showed despite the unmerciful evil heaped on her all those years! “For me, it’s very important to forgive.”, Betancourt said.

A part of the Today Show interview is seen below.

When tragedy strikes, a great part of the healing process has to do with the ability to forgive and move on. Yes, justice needs to be served. But that is left to the legal process. Internally, as an individual who was hurt, one somehow has to reach deep inside himself/herself, learn to transcend the evil, hurt, pains, trials, doubts, fears and a spectrum of other emotions, and decide to forgive the transgressor. Bearing or even wishing ill will on someone ultimately is damaging to one’s self.

I see a little of myself in Ingrid Betancourt though my own experience pales in comparison to hers. Like her, I aimed high in my younger days and, if I had seriously pursued it, I would say I had a great chance at making it up the corporate ladder just as she aimed high for Colombia’s presidency. I also went through my own life-changing experience years ago when I almost died. And like her, I was faced with the decision either to hate and bear ill-will or to forgive. With God’s grace, I chose the latter.

We both had the same striking realization. Despite the strength that reinforced my character after that life-changing experience, I also realized, like her, that I was a fragile and vulnerable woman and not just the corporate go-getter I thought I was. It has made me relish LIFE even more. There is hardly a morning that passes that I do not thank God for yet another day to live out the rest of my life as best I can. More than work, quality of life for myself and people I love has become my paramount passion.

Ingrid Betancourt is a compleat, wonderful person with a beautiful soul: a mother, a woman, a survivor, a spiritually-guided human being, a changed person for the better. If someone who faced so much evil under such trying circumstances for years can look as peaceful, composed and devoid of hatred as she did in her post-rescue interviews, those of us who face day-to-day life trials can surely hurdle ours if we have Ingrid’s divine faith and will to live better lives. I am sure she will live the rest of her life even more fully than she had in the past.

Choosing to take a different life path does not erase the scars. Only God knows the scars that Ingrid bears up to now. I have my own “scars” too that remind me always that I was not dreaming what I had gone through. But we choose how we deal with the scars. They can mar us for life if we let them; or, we can choose to make them our reminder that LIFE IS GOOD and how thankful we should be for a second chance at it.

June 24, 2008

The Great Iloilo Flood: Typhoon Frank’s Wrath

I was born in Iloilo City (Jaro, to be specific) and most of my parents’ relatives still live there as well as in Bacolod City.

So when Typhoon Frank lashed at Panay Island over the weekend, I was very concerned about them. Our driver who had children there told me that the water rose so fast (up to their necks) that the children had to evacuate to neighbors on higher ground.

My brother forwarded to me a text from a relative who described the situation as “serious”. They have no phones, no electricity, no water. And they expect this situation to last several months. This sounded like a step back into the Dark Ages!

I just came from the Multiply blog of my niece and read through her account about how water rose 8-15 feet in Jaro in just 10-15 minutes (how could that be????). Friends of her Mom called to say that their relatives were stuck on trees as water swelled around their barangay. People were caught unaware; many were still having breakfast as the waters rose. So many lives lost, so many homes destroyed completely, so many people’s livelihoods shattered.

I do not have a complete picture yet of how our relatives there are. We are still trying to contact them one by one to check on their situation.

This site carries pictures of the storm’s aftermath in Iloilo. The scope of the devastation just leaves me without words. On TV earlier, I looked at Boracay and could not even recognize it as a tourist spot with pristine waters and white sandy beaches.

As we follow news of the ill-fated Sulpicio ship that sank and the number of passengers who died, even more questions are in my mind concerning the flash floods in Panay:

– How could torrential rains, no matter how strong, inundate such a wide area in just a few minutes?

– Was this a result again of illegal logging?

– Who should be held accountable, if ever illegal activities were behind the floods?

For now, I am helpless here in Manila. All I can do is pray for my family over there and hope they are able to weather this trial. Please pray with me for all those who lost loved ones and shelter and if it is within your means, help by donating your excess to the various institutions accepting them for the people of Panay.

June 24, 2008June 16, 2011

Tito Benny, a Filipino Morrie

Last night, I was at an honoring at the wake of Dr. Benigno M. Sulit, Jr. (Tito Benny to me) — dad of one of my good friends, Aly.

(Tito Benny in his trademark suspenders)

Tito Benny is a doctor (specifically, he is an anesthesiologisit). But more than being a doctor, he loved to teach. He was an academician at heart. He had a great future in the U.S. but chose to return to the Philippines to share his passion with his students who are now doctors in their own right.

I remember many times when Tito Benny and Tita Perla opened up their homes to us and many others. Many prayer meetings were done at their beautiful home which I always loved so much because in the center of it was a Japanese-inspired garden with a koi pond and bamboo trees. We used to love to feed the fish bits of bread. Their home was filled with beautiful paintings by Filipino artists (including a humongous Manuel Baldemor). Bedrooms were named after provinces and aptly decorated as such. Wooden furniture and images of the Blessed Virgin Mary, the Last Supper, etc. all done in Paete, Laguna (their hometown), filled their home.

In one area of the house, just beside the living room, was a very long wooden table that was the gathering place for many family moments. We ourselves gathered often there with Tito Benny at the kabisera (head of the table), regaling us with his stories. He always had a LOT of stories and was widely read. He loved National Geographic and Discovery Channel and as Mara, his apo (grandchild) and our inaanak (godchild), related last night, their Sundays with him were never wasted. He always asked them what their “word of the day” was and if they did not know its etymology, their assignment was to look it up when they got home. So typically Tito Benny!

When my Dad was struggling for life at the ICU of Cardinal Santos hospital many years ago, Tito Benny was there during Dad’s last moments. He was a pillar of strength for our family. When one of our yayas had to undergo emergency surgery, her anesthesiologist was Tito Benny who insisted that he be there throughout the operation instead of relegating this task to a more junior doctor. Such was his dedication to his patients who came from all walks of life.

As we listened to so many doctors (colleagues and former students) speak of their moments with him last night, I was amazed at the life of this wonderful man. Everyone spoke of him with humor, with tenderness, and with so much respect.

But what struck me most was when Mara showed us a book she had picked up from her lolo’s library. It must have held a lot of meaning for Tito Benny because he lived his life according to that book. Mara had brought with her the book Tuesdays with Morrie which happens to be one of my favorite LIFE books.

Tuesdays with Morrie, a true-to-life story by Mitch Albom, tells of Mitch and his last days with his former college teacher, Morrie Schwartz, who was dying of Lou Gehrig’s Disease. During the Tuesday visits of Mitch, Morrie managed to share his views about life and how to live it to the fullest so that Mitch, who was all wrapped up in work and who sort of neglected his girl friend, would come to realize what was truly important in life. Tuesdays is a special book for me because I came across it at a time when I was wondering how I could live my life better. Between its pages, filled with nuggets of wisdom, Morrie himself became my mentor on life.

Mara had chosen a verse from the book — one of my favorite phrases from Morrie:

So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they are busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning.

Tito Benny led the meaningful life Morrie was talking about. Despite being a busy doctor who spent late hours of the night discussing medical issues with students and colleagues, Tito Benny never failed his responsibilities to his family. He was a “hugger”, insisted on being kissed on both cheeks, ever present to Tita Perla and their 2 kids (Aly & Beau) and was a lolo clearly adored by his grandchildren.

His family and friends all wished he had written his life story. Tito Benny never got around to it but he lives on in everyone he has touched by his generosity, love and nurturing spirit.

We are blessed to have been touched by his presence (even just a tiny bit). I wish you Godspeed, Tito Benny. May you be carried up on angels’ wings to your true place in Heaven. Do not worry about Tita Perla. So many of us will take care of her. See you again someday!

June 22, 2008August 28, 2011

Typhoon Frank: The Aftermath

This is what our yard looks like right now. A “war zone” after Typhoon Frank made a direct pass over Metro Manila packing winds of about 120 kph. Every time a typhoon passes, our yard looks like this owing to the mango and starapple trees we have. We have had worse storms which had these trees swaying so much that I actually stretched my hands out in prayer that they would not snap and fall towards the house!

Power was cut around 4 AM but thankfully, I had the foresight to have everyone charge their cellphones the night before. We also had our flashlights ready and the kids had done most of their homework.

The only worrisome thought was that M2 and a whole bunch of other teens had gone up yesterday to Antipolo for a 2-day retreat. I had been communicating with their adult supervisors since last night and they had decided that it was safer for the kids to stay till around 4 PM today (expecting that the worse of the typhoon would have already passed).

Power was restored around noon and internet access about an hour later. Now, it is clean-up time. I reckon we would use up a lot of those large 40-gallon trash bags just for all these leaves. But we are all just so thankful that everyone at home is safe and no damage was done to property (ours and neighbors).

Now, I am just waiting out the time when M2 and his car pool of 3 other schoolmates come down later. The worse is over.

How did you fare during the storm?

May 11, 2008August 28, 2011

A Tag on Mother’s Day

Apples tagged me for Mother’s Day.

The rules are as simple as this:

(1) Post a photo of you and your mom together (recent or old) and write the words “I heart my mom” across it (or type the text below the photo if you don’t feel like opening your image-editing software).

(2) Tag your friends!

I went through my computer files and found this pic of me with my Mom, taken Christmas of 2006. You’d think I had already outgrown snuggling with Mom, huh? Well, it’s been a while and I thought that was a good time as any to be just a daughter with her mother.

I my MOM!

As we were growing up, our Mom was the glue that held us all together. Here are some of my memories of her being a Mommy of mommies:

– sitting patiently outside my Grade 1 classroom (I was in a new school and was terrified of being left alone)

– crocheted our first bathing suits (I need to look for pics of those!) and later, knitted several blouses for me and my sisters and sewed many of our clothes

– prepared warm milk for all of us each night before bedtime

– loved to “talk, talk” with me when my siblings were already asleep

– made some of the best desserts I could remember — like Floating Island (a leche flan-like dessert topped with eggwhites that were beaten up into fluffs and were mixed in different food colorings)

– was present in all my major school activities

– cut out paper dolls for me whenever I was sick and bored to death

– played the piano in spontaneous and frequent “concerts” at home while my sister and I twirled here and there in our ballet outfits

– would lovingly give me sponge baths whenever I ran a high fever

– bought me and my siblings a whole stack of our favorite comics for the long boat trip from Davao to Manila

– swatted mosquitoes together with my Dad while waiting in the car for me on a late night when I was a budding auditor working past midnight at a client’s

– never failed to pray the rosary nightly, naming all of us one by one at the end of her prayers as she lifted us to the Lord for His protection and blessing (she still does this to this day and her list now includes our children)

I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH, MOM! And that goes for everyone in the family. I am trying to be as good a Mommy to our kids as you were to me.

Well I choose not to do Rule # 2, seeing that all my mommy bloggers have already published their Mother’s Day posts. So I guess this game of tag stops here, at least with me.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY to all the mommy bloggers out there as well as to the mommies of whoever stumble upon this blog post!!!!

April 19, 2008

My Life is a Balance Sheet!

It seems like this whole week, all I did was stare at financial statements, reading them word for word, checking the numbers, cross-checking all references, and all other accounting stuff (yes, I am a CPA by profession; a wife and mother by Divine grace; and a yogini at heart).

After reviewing balance sheets and profit and loss statements (to name a few), it got me thinking of how my life would equate to these financial statements.

By stroke of luck, I came across two sites. One is by Joy Fisher-Sykes, a professional speaker, author and success coach in the areas of leadership, motivation, stress management, customer service and team building: “Take Time to Create a Life Balance Sheet for Success”. The other is Marc Accetta who conducts workshops on living a balanced life.

They both speak of life in terms of debits (those choices we make and actions we take that detract in some way from our overall life balance) and credits (the ways you live your life that you truly value because they support and honor your chosen path and move you towards your desires). Marc breaks these down into 6 areas: financial, social, emotional, mental, physical and spiritual. Joy writes:

It’s important from time to time that we sit down and honestly assess our lives. Doing so allows us to make an honest determination about where we are now and where we want to be in the future. When we’re assessing our finances, we prepare a financial balance sheet. On it we list our debits and credits so that we can determine our bottom line. What if you wanted to determine the state of the life you lead? How is it, or is it not, serving you? The answer is simple – prepare a Life Balance Sheet.

First, list down some debits like:

Procrastinating on things you know you need to get done.

Sitting in front of the TV instead of being productive or doing something of value.

Not getting enough exercise.

Eating inappropriately and paying the consequences.

Being a coach potato when there is so much more you could be doing.

Staying involved in a toxic personal relationship.

Maintaining relationships that drain you emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually, physically or financially.

Being unwilling or refusing to listen effectively to others.

Getting into arguments you know you don’t need to be involved in.

Passing judgment on others when you know it is inappropriate to do so.

Taking family, friends, coworkers and others around you for granted.

Taking too little time to yourself, to just sit and contemplate, meditate and relax.

Not enough reading or other mental stimulation.

Constantly complaining and being negative.

Failing to say NO when NO is the right choice right Now.

Expecting the worst instead of expecting the best life has to offer.

Expecting the worst from others.

Being ungrateful when you have so much to be grateful for.

Letting things get you down, then using that as an excuse to eat, drink or smoke for immediate gratification.

Staying up too late at night and not getting enough rest.

Next, list your credits. Some of these are:

Call someone you know just to say “hello” and to see how they are doing.

Walking barefoot in the grass or on the beach.

Expressing your Higher Self by telling someone “I love you”.

Helping and giving of yourself to others with no expectation of receiving anything in return.

Doing things that are outside of your comfort zone on a reasonably regular basis.

Driving traffic friendly by allowing others to merge into traffic even if they didn’t wait their turn.

Compliment others as you go about your day, whether they are nice to you or not.

Take time out for exercise and play.

Staying clean, sober and smoke free.

Spending time with a child, even if you don’t have one of your own.

Being honest about what you need in order to feel whole and happy

Taking time to read a book to a child.

Taking time to nourish your soul by reading a few lines from a good book.

Playing your favorite music and dancing around the room and singing to it out loud.

Picking up someone else’s litter instead of stepping over it or walking around.

Learning at least one new skill or hobby each week.

Keeping a morning gratitude journal and giving thanks for the things you value on a daily basis.

Spending that little extra on something you really, really like, even if it isn’t on sale.

Smiling to others, and yourself, as you go about your day, especially people you don’t know.

Looking others straight in the eye and saying thank you.

They both suggest this be done at least once a month. Joy further says, “Take a look at your Life Balance Sheet at least once a day. This will empower you, at a glance, to realize how wonderful life can be and allow you to make lifestyle adjustments as necessary. Remember, a great life is yours to create. Go create a fabulous life!”

I glanced at the list above and can immediately add some of my own:

(-) Debits (what I need to minimize or totally eradicate):

1. Forgetting to take care of my health

2. Becoming a slave to my work

3. Being impatient with others, and more so with myself

4. Letting pet peeves get to me

(+) Credits (what I need to do more of):

1. Balance out my life through a regular yoga practice and a healthy lifestyle

2. Unwind with a book that has positive values, success stories, or humor

3. Have more frequent “dates” with my loved one (need not be expensive!)

4. Walk barefoot on sand (I prefer this to grass, actually), watch a full moon, or sit under a starry night sky

5. Pat someone’s back often. It makes people feel special and recognized

6. Hug my kids (and spouse) A LOT!

7. Laugh with family/friends often and have “let-your-hair-down” moments

8. Pray, pray, pray always!

So here I am taking stock of LIFE in general and trying to put them into some kind of equation. Am I balanced?

To be honest, many times I have to catch myself overextending or indulging in some debit aspect. At the moment, my life sometimes seems imbalanced, with work occupying a great part of my waking hours and my once regular yoga practice suffering. But work is also a blessing in itself if looked at from another perspective and while I cannot see the bigger scheme of things in my life, I know that Someone does, and He knows best. What’s important is that I trust in Him, take things as they come, do the best I can with what comes my way, live in the moment, and leave the rest to Him.

What does your life’s balance sheet look like?