I may be biased but let me put this out here at the onset: ALL MOMS ARE INFLUENCERS.
I’m already a mom of 4 adults who are almost independent of us. I’ve also worked on corporate strategies in the past. But guess what. I never thought of combining mommyhood with visioning and coming up with a statement on life for myself. I guess I really never had the time back then, what with 4 kids to raise.
I can relate when young Moms share that their waking hours are for the kids, the hubby and the home and very little of it is for themselves. In fact, as a young Mom then, I learned to sleep late because that was my ME time (a book, a facial, watching a rerun of the night’s news on TV, — when all the kids, including the hubby, were already asleep.
I had been thinking for a while about how to usher in 2015. I wanted something that would make next year even more meaningful and have more purpose. And I wanted it to be centered on gratitude.
Isn’t that so true? We wrack our brains sometimes thinking of what to be thankful for and yet if we really became aware and mindful, we’d see the little blessings that come our way each day.
We spent Christmas Day 2011 in the hospital with our youngest son. The ordeal started out with excruciating pain. When M pointed out where his pain was coming from, I had a bad feeling it would be kidney stones. I knew. Because years ago, I also had the same pain. In that same area. I felt so helpless seeing him writhing in pain in the emergency room, knowing exactly what kind of pain he was going through. I wouldn’t wish it on my enemy.
Hospital personnel who attended to my son often had the same reaction upon finding out he was just a teen. “Ang bata pa!” (“So young!”). And I would agree because during my time, only people past their prime and approaching senior years were diagnosed with kidney stones.
To make the long story short, M had a stent placed inside him for months. His physical activities in school were cut down to barest minimum. We had to finish his graduation and summer classes before going for a procedure called Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lithotripsy (ESWL) which used sound waves to blast the stones lodged in his ureter. A month later, he underwent another ESWL – this time to target the 2 stones in his kidney.
My kids were not spared from child bullying in school. It was almost never physical. For my daughter, it consisted of snide remarks, teasing, name-calling, being ignored. For my son, the manifestations were more visible. There was one instance when he was “playfully punched” in the tummy by a classmate who teased him no end. And he’d return from recess with his pencils broken in half or find things missing from his desk. It came to the point where I had to make a special request for the bully boy not to be sectioned with my son the next school year.
For a mother to be witness to these things, I felt almost helpless except to continue calling the schools’ attention to these incidents. But I knew that my kids, even if they were not showing too much on the outside, were crying on the inside and suffering this kind of humiliation day in and day out during schooldays. And knowing that, I wanted to cry along with them.
In recent years, this problem has been addressed by the schools they went to as small kids and I am happy that they have actually made it a school policy that bullying is a serious offense. I feel it is very important for every child to know that the school refuses to condone this kind of behavior and that teachers and school officials are their allies and would actually do something to anyone who tries to bully them. By making bullying a school offense, the school is arming every student with a voice to speak out if he is bullied in any way.
But even if they are now all grown, I know that those childhood incidents have left scars on my kids that will take time to heal. I know….because when I was growing up, I had a taste of hurt too. I always was the youngest (and one of the smallest) in my class since I entered Grade 1 at an earlier age than my classmates. I remember what it felt like to be told I was too young to be included in “more adult-ish conversations” of classmates which at that time revolved around childhood crushes and boys. I still remember conversations they’d have that would stop as soon as I came near them. It was not bullying at all because they never called me names but that subtle exclusion from a group did hurt then. Can you imagine how much more hurtful it is to be called names outright by a peer? Or be subjected to forms of condemnation or derision by someone much older who is supposed to be respected – a parent, an adult, anyone with authority?
Whoever made this up — “Sticks and stones may hurt my bones, but words will never hurt me” — probably never experienced bullying or verbal abuse. Or maybe that person was himself/herself THE bully. Because it isn’t true. Words CAN hurt. And they leave lasting scars. Physical scars remain visible long after the hurt but you can function normally even with them. Emotional scars are so much more difficult to heal because they continue hurting the victim long after the bullying or abuse has gone. It affects a child’s self-esteem and can even affect how he/she deals with people and family in the future.
It is so important for us to protect the children. All forms of abuse, particularly verbal abuse which is hidden from the rest of the world, cuts across all classes of society, even among the wealthy.
We need to raise a future generation of children free from any stigma of abuse if we are to have a generation of confident, hopeful, self-respecting citizens with their values in the right place. The only way to curb abuse is to recognize it for what it is. We cannot stop something if we don’t recognize it as a problem in the first place. So, while I have no answers at the moment as to how to go about ensuring that all children are raised totally free of abuse, I do know that firstly, we must know WHEN to recognize it as such. And this where our child protection laws, child-governing government agencies, and citizens equipped with the right knowledge skills come in.
I created this post for the Blog & Twitter Carnival: Child Abuse Prevention.
It is so much easier to tell if something is wrong with our kid if the manifestation is physical – a toothache, rashes, fever, and so on. But sensory difficulties are a lot harder to detect, especially if our children do not verbalize their difficulty or the impairment is not too bad so as to totally affect how a kid functions or socializes.
One of the difficulties I faced when one of my boys was still small was an inner ear problem. We brought him to Otomed in San Juan where he underwent hearing tests. Test results showed that he could only hear several decibels higher than the average person. It was not a severe problem but his hearing was definitely slightly impaired.
Did you know that social behavior is affected by hearing difficulties? That shy kid you have who doesn’t want to socialize may not be able to hear well and so does not want to engage strangers out of fear. That kid who is not doing well in school may be very bright but could not follow the discussions in the classroom because he cannot hear the teacher well.
Take a look at the list below and see if your kid exhibits any of these. If he/she shows some of these symptoms, your child may have some hearing problems:
- short attention span
- easily distracted
- oversensitivity to sound
- misinterprets questions
- confuses similar-sounding words
- frequent need for repetition
- inability to follow sequential instructions
- poor sentence structure
- reading/writing/spelling problems
- fidgety behavior
- clumsy, uncoordinated movements
- poor sense of balance or rhythm
- low frustration tolerance
- low self-confidence/shyness
- difficulty making friends
- tendency to withdraw
Some mommy blogger friends and I were recently introduced to the Tomatis method recently. The Tomatis method, developed by Dr. Alfred A. Tomatis, an Ear-Nose-Throat specialist. The Tomatis Effect is his discovery that links the ear and the voice. His extensive research revealed that when the ear functions at full capacity, a child actively listens, has better muscle control, and a better grasp of language and abstract thinking. Obviously, when a child cannot hear that well, the opposite effects manifest.