When your son is no longer a babe…..

He is all of 13 years old. He insists he is no longer a baby. He is away from us — all the way in China — for 6 weeks.

M2 is on a foreign study program — part of their school’s vision to bring their students into a keener awareness of their roots, appreciation for their ancestors’ mother tongue and culture, and a stronger sense of purpose. It is also a learning experience in more ways than one as these boys, many of whom are pampered with creature comforts at home, have to deal now with

– studying without a tutor;

– overcoming terrible homesickness;

– learning to communicate in the language of their ancestors in order to be understood;

– adjusting to living with other boys their age with different personalities and quirks;

– dealing with groceries, laundry and budgeting on top of coping with a demanding study schedule; and

– basically going through an accelerated “growing up” program.

 

We heard from him yesterday. He sounded OK, had no major concerns about food, accommodations or his studies. In fact, when he asked to speak to his older brother, we thought it was because he missed him….only to find out that their whole conversation was on the latest goings-on with the wrestling TV show they both loved to watch (he has no TV in his China dorm room). He also told me he had been doing his laundry by hand rather than use the pay-per-cycle washing machine so he could save up for pasalubong.

At the moment, my feelings are mixed. There is a part of me that terribly misses him but another part of me is happy that he is learning to fly using his own wings. A part of me wants to cry upon hearing about his method of scrimping to afford gifts to bring home; but the other part of me says this is a good experience so he will learn the value of money earned.

When our kids grow up, the process is not just an experience for the kids but probably more so for us, their parents, who have long cared and watched over them, and now have to slowly let go. In a sense, we are also “growing up”. The transition from a parent to confidante, adviser and friend is fraught with fear and pain; but when hurdled successfully, it can be very rewarding as a new kind of relationship develops.

 

As My Kids Fly the Coop…..

It takes getting used to but I think I am slowly learning the “let go” technique.

Our eldest daughter C1 just came back from a 5-day trip to Hong Kong with long-time high school friends (Gin, Pam, Cha, Meg) who also happen to be her schoolmates at the BLUE school. With them was their “friend-cum-bouncer-cum-bodyguard” Harold who is also from the same school.

It was C1’s first time abroad without at least one of us. Prior to departure, I collected all the cellphone numbers of her companions, googled the hotel’s address and did all the stuff mother hens normally do.

But I guess this is a time when TRUST (not just in your kid, but in the way you reared them) comes to fore. I had to trust in that trust.

Well, she is back home with loads of pics from HK Disneyland which I will be posting shortly. But in a week, another kid flies the coop. This time, it is our youngest boy M2 who will be away in China on a foreign study program with some of his batchmates and teachers. Will I miss him? Hell I will! But I know that we will both learn from this experience. For him, it is learning to survive without yayas, fending for himself and drawing on his own resources. For me, another lesson in letting go…

Hi Mom! I’m in the Other Room! LOL!

I came across this article at ABS-CBN News Online’s site:

Shock! Teenagers and parents are talking: report

Reuters

LONDON – The family meal may be threatened with extinction but “High-Tech” parents are now communicating much better with their teenagers and giving them more freedom, says child psychologist Richard Woolfson.

Long gone are the days when parents were much more dictatorial and children were to be seen, not heard.

“The consultation, negotiation and mutual respect that goes on between parents and teenagers in families today would probably shock the mums and dads of 50 years ago,” Woolfson said in a study of how family communication has evolved.

Sitting round the table together for a meal was once the bedrock of family life. It is now becoming a thing of the past but Woolfson stressed that was not the end of the world.

“Now we have today’s high-tech family where family communication takes place by email, internet, webcam and mobile phone as well as face-to-face of course,” he said.

That has another beneficial side-effect, Woolfson said in his survey for the T-Mobile phone company.

Parents are now able to contact their kids much more easily and children have become more confident and communicative.

“This means that parents are less worried about their children’s safety because they feel reassured,” Woolfson said.

And the generation gap is not suffering.

“Even grandma and grandpa have entered the world of cyber space to keep close contact with their children and grandchildren, all of which can only be good news for everyone,” Woolfson concluded.

Timely enough that this article came out because I was indeed thinking about this just recently.

The advent of technology has indeed changed somewhat the way my kids and I communicate. Ours is a wi-fi home. Anywhere in the house, one has internet access. And when home, my kids are almost always on the internet — playing games, emailing, YM-ing their friends or doing homework.

When I leave for work, I often sign on to Yahoo Messenger’s SMS service and when I get to work, sign onto my email with chat enabled.

It’s been really convenient and gives me peace of mind since I know I can almost always reach my kids. I can tell the moment M1 and M2 are home as their chat status changes to ONLINE. These are times when I can connect with them by saying hi and asking how their day went. Of course, it is also their chance to tell me things such as “Mom, I need a 1/4 illustration board by tomorrow. Can you buy on the way home?” Sometimes, I have to arbitrate an argument online. Once, i got chat messages that went like this.

C2 (YM-ing me): Mom, Achi …..(went on to describe her argument with sister)

C1 (YM-ing from another computer): Mom, don’t listen to C2…(and goes on to narrate her side)

I am glad for technology since it brings me closer to them, in a sense, as I connect with them the way they are used to communicating. Kids nowadays feel more comfortable with computers than we ever were. No wonder despite there being a landline in the house, they almost never choose to use this, thanks to internet chatting and webcams. But, wary of dangers on the net too, one thing I do is make sure their computers are located in very visible areas. And that means (house rule) — NO LOCKING OF DOORS! There are other house rules related to safety on the internet which I have discussed with them but somehow we have to find a balance now that most people discuss their lives on social networking sites like Facebook, Friendster or MySpace.

Reminds me of one time when I was working in my room, waiting for C1 to come home from school. Knowing that she sometimes surfs the internet even while in the car (using wi-fi hotspots), I decided to check and true enough she was online. So, I sent off a YM to her asking where she was and she promptly replied:

“Hi, Mom! I’m in the other room! LOL!”

How does technology help you connect with your own kids? Do you have any qualms about it? Let me know!

Parenting Plugs

Pardon me if I insert these 2 plugs related to parenting but they are TIMELY and FREE.

INVITATION TO A

PARENT DEVELOPMENT SEMINAR :

 

What is God’s purpose for my family?

How do we create a Family Mission Statement?

How do we experience family unity?

How do I create a pastoral plan so we can achieve our goals as individuals and as a family?

 

Invest your time in coming to this seminar and learn more abou how you can be a purpose-driven family that lives to worship God, grow more in His character and likeness (discipleship), be united

in fellowship, be of service and

minister to others.

 

Cradle of JOY Center for Learning and

Sacred Heart Parish Family Life Ministry

invite you to …

 

 

“A PURPOSE-DRIVEN

FAMILY”

 

September 29, 2007 (Saturday)

9:00 am – 12 noon

(Registration : Starts at 8:30 am)

 

Sacred Heart Parish, Janssen Hall

(Scout Ybardolaza St., Kamuning, Q.C.)

 

Speakers : Jun and Marion

Cruz

 

FREE – No Seminar Fee!!!

(Merienda to be served)

 

If interested, please call :

 

921-0602/ 410-0066

 

for reservations. Limited slots only!

 

You may invite family and friends!

 

 

*******************************************************

 

INVITATION TO A FREE

YAYA TRAINING SEMINAR :

 

Would you like a yaya

who would love your child the way

s/he needs to be loved?

 

Well, here’s a seminar just for yaya so that she can grow to know more about herself as a caregiver using the 5 Love Languages and learn to love and discipline your child according to the 5 Love Languages of : Touch, Service, Quality Time, Gifts and Words.

Cradle of JOY

 

Center for Learning
invites your child’s caregiver to …

 

 

 

“Disciplining

 

 

using the

 

 

5 Love Languages”

 

September 15, 2007 (Saturday)

 

9:00 am – 12 noon

(Registration : Starts at 8:30 am)

 

 

Cradle of JOY Center for Learning

 

(14 11th Jamboree Street, Brgy. Sacred Heart,

Kamuning, Quezon City)

 

 

Speakers : Ben and Mayette Salvedia

Ang Ligaya ng Panginoon Community

 

 

FREE – No Seminar Fee!!!

 

You may invite yayas of family & friends!

 

 

 

Too Young to Die

Our daughter C1 came up to me last night and asked, “Mom, what is WRONG with our batch?”

Last night, they got the news that a boy, just in Manila for a short vacation from studies in the USA (and her date/good friend at Sophomore Night some years back) passed away. They had just met up 2 weeks ago upon his return; they YM each other across the miles. It is not just that he died so young, or that his death was unexpected. But since the start of this school year, this was already the 4th death — SAME BATCH, SAME SCHOOL!

At the start of school, a tragic fire ended the life of a boy from batch 2006 which included his mother and younger brother. Another boy died when robbers entered their home and shot him. The last death was that of another of their batch who was coming home with friends from Libis. A taxi came out from nowhere, causing their vehicle to turn turtle and he was the only one who perished. Now this.

At this age, my daughter has been exposed to death with her grandfather’s (my Dad) passing away. But to have to deal with the deaths of young people she knew is something else and I personally do not know what kind of coping is necessary when this happens. On top of that are the statistical odds of these deaths happening to just one batch of boys from the same school. C1 was beginning to think it had something to do with their batch being born in the year of the dragon (that is her Chinese mind working….).

I am open to suggestions. If you were in my shoes, how would you support your daughter who grieves for a young friend and whose only outlet for it so far is pouring her heart out in her writings?

The Boon and Bane of a Back-To-Work Mom

After a LONG hiatus from work, an opportunity cropped up to join a company as a consultant. It is just my second day back at work but already, the boons and banes of coming out of hibernation and rejoining the work force are so stark.

Here are a few:

(-) Good-bye, beauty sleep. My wakeup call of 9:30 or 10AM is now down to 7 or 8AM

(+/-) Denims and casual tops are out. The “corporate look” is in (high heels, dark skirt or pants, more formal blouses, blazer when necessary. Is that a good thing or not? I don’t know. I love the freedom of denims but feel good in business attire.

(+) I sweated it out at home trying to conserve energy and wore the thinnest, sleeveless tops I had. Now, the aircon blasting in the office reminds me I need to buy more blazers!

(-) Much, much less blogging! 🙁

(+) Lunch used to be whatever was left over from dinner the night before. Now, I have a choice of Oliver’s Super Sandwich or the various food outlets at the swanky Food Park of the building. And hey, they have Starbucks, Tea Republic, and Watson’s there to boot!

Continue reading “The Boon and Bane of a Back-To-Work Mom”