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Key to Better Relationships: Know Your Loved Ones’ Primary Love Languages

 

A few years back, I bought the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This came on the heels of a workshop that we attended on this topic where we learned that all of us have one primary love language which is not always the same as that of our loved ones and could be a major cause of conflict or resentment.

According to Dr. Gary Chapman, unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don’t understand our partner’s requirements, or even our own. We all have a “love tank” that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others. Dr. Chapman’s book divides love languages into five categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

This got me thinking of my 4 kids and found that they had different love languages.

C1’s is Quality Time. She loves time for us to talk (about anything that concerns her). Sometimes she wants to talk at the wrong time (like midnight sometimes???). Other times, I may not be ready to listen or have something to work on. But knowing this is her love language, I try to spend time talking or our next favorite bonding activity — shopping.

C2’s love language is also Quality Time though to a lesser degree than C1’s. She complains at times that I do not have time to go shopping with her (I work, you see) so I hope to be able to make up for it on some weekends. We have watched movies together already so that’s a good start. She also loves talking with me about things important to her and like C1, I try to relate to what she says.

M1’s is Receiving Gifts. For some reason, he relishes it when we come home from somewhere with something for him. When he was younger, he would always ask when I come home, “What did you get for me?” Now that he is older, his tastes get more expensive (read my lips: gadgets & tech stuff). So it gets challenging to fill this need without me emptying my pockets completely.

M2’s is Physical Touch. This is the kid I can hug and hug and who won’t squirm away from me. And he is the only one who asks (no, demands) that I give him a foot massage to get him to sleep. One day, I think I will bring him along when I have a massage and treat him to a really professional one.

I found this site on the blog of C1’s friend and was curious to find out which was my primary love language. GUESS!

Continue reading “Key to Better Relationships: Know Your Loved Ones’ Primary Love Languages”

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PAMPER-ed for a Morning

My kids grew up on Pampers — mostly. For many, many years, I had held on to this pink, carton Pampers box, which if I remember right, could hold 96 Pampers diapers. Too bad I disposed of the box some time ago in a frenzy of spring cleaning. Maybe it was an inner desire to hang on to their baby years that kept me from throwing away that box but when I did, it must have been my “letting go” and moving on to dealing with them as teens.

I have never forgotten my parenting days with Pampers so it was providential that I was invited to the launch in Glorietta of Pampers Stages and a chance to explore Pampers World (how the world looks from a baby’s eyes).

Jamie Endaya, Country PR Manager of P&G, explained the different features of the diapers. For the New Baby diapers, there is a cottony cover with hypoallergenic lotion and aloe vera extract. For the Active Baby diapers, they use Velcro straps around the waist. And for Easy-Ups diapers, it is made to be put on and off like undies. How different it is now from my time when the only difference in diapers was the size and weight of your kid.

Several doctors from the Pampers Parenting Institute, an international network of experts on babies, their development and health, were around to answer questions and guide us on a tour. We were taken to several “rooms” made for us to experience what it was like to be a baby again.

The first 2 rooms were for newborns. Newborns could only see a few inches from their faces and images are blurry. In one room, they had cubbyholes to allow us to put our hands in and feel different items (spongy, squeaky, soft, rough, etc) that a baby experiences as it touches things.

 

In the second room they took us to, there were 2 giant cribs complete with oversized pillows and mobiles. I lay down in one of them and overhead there was a mirror that distorted images reflecting from the crib to show what a baby actually sees at 3 weeks. It looks like this:

how the crib actually looks
how the baby sees the crib

The rooms for an Active Baby were made to look like you were in giantland. Oversized dining and living rooms! It is important then for parents to be able to imagine what the world looks like from this tiny tot’s perspective so that the home can be made accident-proof. For me, that was a fun place to take pics!

This is how the world looks to a baby
In the oversized dining room
...and in the giant living room

And the last 2 rooms were for the toddlers (Easy-Ups). At this stage, toddlers like to try grown-up stuff: shoes, clothes. And they explore as they realize they can walk.

A baby would look like this in adult shoes while writing with a pencil
That pencil actually has lead!

The whole tour was interesting, to say the least. They have really come far in terms of developing baby diapers.

Buffet lunch was hosted by P&G for the press at Heaven ‘n Eggs nearby. Here we had a chance to meet up with more press people, including Paula of Good Housekeeping magazine, and other P&G people who I enjoyed talking with about the world of blogging. Thanks for the yummy, gastronomic lunch guys!!!

More pics from the event below.

 

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Positive Affirmations for You

This was shared with me by a blogger buddy on a day when I was totally sapped of positive energy. Thanks for sharing, Manuel!

Now it is my turn to share this video with you. May it uplift you whenever you need it. But what is probably a great addition to all the affirmations here is this: God is always a part of, and in control of, my life!

May your life always be beautiful, meaningful and full of love.

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It’s Never Too Early to Be a Gentleman

First off, let me tell any readers with ultra feminist views that this post is NOT for you!

I may be of the old school but I love chivalry and the idea of white knights in shining armor coming to the rescue of their maidens. The few times I have ridden the MRT is an observation exercise in male social behavior and test of the almost extinct virtue of chivalry.

There will be guys who will sleep through the ride (or totally ignore you) while seated, oblivious of you standing in front of them. Or spring a delightful surprise on you as someone did last week at the train when he stood up and gave up his seat for me. Awwwww!

Boys will be boys they say and my boys were no different. If they were hungry, they would race to get the food on the table — never mind if their sisters were there. They would also race to get inside the car first as the passenger seat beside the driver was the seat of choice. We girls were often left opening doors ourselves. As for shopping bags? They were the first to complain of being tired and would pass their bags to me or hubby to carry.

So when M1 entered Grade 7, I felt it was time to teach him the finer points of being a gentleman, seeing that in high school, he would begin socializing with those of the opposite gender.

I would take a few occasions to teach him. For example, when we would ride the car, I would tell him that the gentleman opens the door for a lady and closes it once she is in. At the doors of malls or any place we would go to, I would remind him that the gentleman opens the door to let the ladies through. Ladies always had first pick of food (no matter how famished you were!).

I was not particularly successful in the 7th grade. Come to think of it, I also struggled through his first year in high school. Many, many times, I found myself repeating over and over the gentleman’s etiquette rules. Once I had to ask myself if my sons would ever learn to be gentlemen.

Now that M1 is in his junior year in high school, I see a wonderful transformation. Once at a mall, after seeing my hands full of shopping bags, he actually came up to me and took them. Every time we ride in the car nowadays, I delight in him opening the door for his Mama and closing it after me. Even when crossing the street, I realize that he moves always in the direction of the dangerous side of oncoming cars as he accompanies me across. WOW!

There are still things we have not practised together, such as pulling out a chair for a lady to seat her. But we will eventually get there. One lesson at a time. For now, I see my M1 growing into (hopefully) a gentleman with genteel manners. After all, if I enjoy being at the receiving end of chivalry, I want my sons to likewise make their female friends feel the same way.

My next target: M2 (who is now in first year high school).

Wish me luck! 🙂

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With Forgiveness Comes Healing

I was glued to the TV set when BBC featured the rescue of Ingrid Betancourt, Colombian Presidential aspirant, kidnapped by the FARC rebels while campaigning in hostile Colombian territory in 2002. The rescue itself was straight out of a movie plot. Reality is sometimes more amazing than fantasy! See this footage taken from susjed.com.

But even more amazing to me was an interview of Ingrid done afterwards that showed the inner faith and strength of this mother of 2. As I watched her interview I saw how cool and calm she was as she related a little bit of her 6-year captivity. Of course she did not expound on the horrors she underwent but I can just imagine the various torture methods applied on her. They were probably a combination of physical, emotional and psychological torture. How amazing that she managed to hang on to her sanity and spiritual fervor all throughout her horrendous nightmare.

I had some time after viewing this video to reflect on Ingrid Betancourt’s disposition. Here was someone who was aiming for the Presidency of Colombia. No mere thing! But her 6-year captivity became her LIFE-CHANGING EXPERIENCE. She has come out of this miraculously alive. In some sense she is stronger, because now she knows that her spirit had never been broken throughout those years. She has become more generous with her thanks and appreciation – first to the Almighty for sustaining her, then to everyone who kept her connected to the outside world in various ways.

The interviewer asked her at one point if she felt anger or hatred towards her captors (some of them accompanied her on the helicopter that turned out to be a rescue mission). I was initially shocked at Ingrid’s response as I expected her to respond with a desire for vengeance. “Vengeance is a chain. I don’t want to be chained to that jungle. I am not going to take any of this to my future life. It’s down there; it stays there”, she said. I immediately understood where she was coming from. She said that she asked the commander of the rescue mission not to maltreat her captors. What grace in the face of victory. What forgiveness and kindness she showed despite the unmerciful evil heaped on her all those years! “For me, it’s very important to forgive.”, Betancourt said.

A part of the Today Show interview is seen below.

When tragedy strikes, a great part of the healing process has to do with the ability to forgive and move on. Yes, justice needs to be served. But that is left to the legal process. Internally, as an individual who was hurt, one somehow has to reach deep inside himself/herself, learn to transcend the evil, hurt, pains, trials, doubts, fears and a spectrum of other emotions, and decide to forgive the transgressor. Bearing or even wishing ill will on someone ultimately is damaging to one’s self.

I see a little of myself in Ingrid Betancourt though my own experience pales in comparison to hers. Like her, I aimed high in my younger days and, if I had seriously pursued it, I would say I had a great chance at making it up the corporate ladder just as she aimed high for Colombia’s presidency. I also went through my own life-changing experience years ago when I almost died. And like her, I was faced with the decision either to hate and bear ill-will or to forgive. With God’s grace, I chose the latter.

We both had the same striking realization. Despite the strength that reinforced my character after that life-changing experience, I also realized, like her, that I was a fragile and vulnerable woman and not just the corporate go-getter I thought I was. It has made me relish LIFE even more. There is hardly a morning that passes that I do not thank God for yet another day to live out the rest of my life as best I can. More than work, quality of life for myself and people I love has become my paramount passion.

Ingrid Betancourt is a compleat, wonderful person with a beautiful soul: a mother, a woman, a survivor, a spiritually-guided human being, a changed person for the better. If someone who faced so much evil under such trying circumstances for years can look as peaceful, composed and devoid of hatred as she did in her post-rescue interviews, those of us who face day-to-day life trials can surely hurdle ours if we have Ingrid’s divine faith and will to live better lives. I am sure she will live the rest of her life even more fully than she had in the past.

Choosing to take a different life path does not erase the scars. Only God knows the scars that Ingrid bears up to now. I have my own “scars” too that remind me always that I was not dreaming what I had gone through. But we choose how we deal with the scars. They can mar us for life if we let them; or, we can choose to make them our reminder that LIFE IS GOOD and how thankful we should be for a second chance at it.

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1st WordCamp Philippines 2008 (Sept. 6, 2008)

I have been blogging on WordPress for over a year now. It was at iBlog3 summit last year when I met fellow bloggers who spoke about its impressive platform and stats. While I consider myself an intermediate blogger, there are still aspects of WordPress that stump me and challenge me to learn more and more.

So it was a delight to find out soon after iBlog4 summit last April that the Mindanao bloggers who I met at the summit were going to organize the first WordPress WordCamp right here in Manila. Wow, what better way is there to pursue my desire to learn how to blog better on the WordPress platform than attend a camp precisely for it!!!

The WordCamp will be on September 6, 2008 (Sat.) at the College of St. Benilde on Taft Avenue, Manila.

For those of you already using WordPress or just thinking of it, here are some details:

– The camp is free of charge. However, in lieu of the fee, you will need to do a blog post containing certain information as outlined in their instructions after you register.

– The organizers will need to verify your blog post. Once you are confirmed, you will get a confirmation email which will serve as your ticket to the event.

– As of this posting, the organizers plan that the camp will have the following components:

  • Deployment (Usage) Track
  • Development Track
  • Panel Discussions
  • WP Install-Fest
  • After Party!

To register, click HERE.

This event would not be possible without the help of sponsors. These are:

Of course, thanks also go to DLSU-CSB for hosting the event.

Hope to see you there!